Bella was born with a LOT of hair; I would go as far as to call it a shock of hair (I certainly didn’t expect my baby to enter the world sporting a mullet.) Since then she has been through quite the barnet journey. So knowing full well she will HATE me when she’s older, welcome to Bella’s Hall of Shame.
She was born with a party at the back and short at the front, emulating many an 80s tennis player. I should’ve expected this given my history. I too had a mullet in my early teens, a large reason why I suffered low-level bullying at school (I compounded this problem by washing it once a week max, prompting the moniker “chip pan head.” Kids are so mean).
P.S. Apparently the word mullet as we now know it was coined by none other than the Beastie Boys in the 1994 song “Mullet Head”. Fact for a pub quiz right there. You are welcome.
The monk’s tonsure
All babies seem to get a bald patch in a halo where they rub their heads as they sleep. Bella added this Spartan patch to her glorious long locks, looking like a monk with an identity crisis. We will definitely save photographic evidence of this particular hair atrocity to unveil when she is eighteen. We will probably turn it into a slide show for when her new squeeze comes round to meet us. That and pics of her in the bath with her feet in her mouth. Parent revenge is a dish served cold. Cannot wait.
The comb over
For a brief period she looked like a cast member from Last of the Summer Wine, with several long strands slicked across the top of her head. We’ve all met a coiffure-clinger before, the kind of person who thinks that seven strands has got to be better than none and all you want to shout is SHAVE IT OFF.
The Mohican 1.0
Then those seven strands came together into the world’s tiniest, shortest Mohican, making her look like a milk drunk punk.
The 90s boy racer
That then grew longer and longer and the start of the summer heat wave left her bonce slick at most times. As a result she had the same fringe as THAT guy you knew in the 90s who still went to raves, drove a car with a blue light under it, wore those trousers with the poppers down the side and tried to grope you in a McDonald’s car park whilst simultaneously chowing down on a pack of 20 McNuggets.
The Mohican 2.0
I have just discovered that I can style her quiff into a Mohican. This will NEVER get old.